vita veta tiger balm

you know you had that crazy relative that always had that one elixir that was the cure all of cure alls?  well, i've become that person.  know this about me: i'm allergic to everything and i run into everything.  man needs 3 things to survive: water, food and shelter.  i need: benadryl, advil and tiger balm.  i'm sure you're familiar with 2 of the 3, right?  well my friends, if you don't know the magical balmtastic balms of them all, let me introduce you to TIGER BALM. from the kitchen of some asian person over 100 years ago, this stuff is the shit!  i'm allergic to mosquitoes and i just dab this wonderful gooeyness on and voila, the swelling/itching goes down, like a ghetto girl in da club.  a bruise?  ah, this gets in there deep.  a stuffy nose? stick your nose in the jar & a breath of fresh air awaits you.  i always have a jar floating somewhere at the bottom of my purse.  it's reasonably priced and you'll look like you're all worldly and stuff.  just don't get it in your eye, but if you do, i have another remedy for that...